I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. -Mother Teresa

As I reflect on 2014 and look on to 2015, I am truly thankful that I can say with certainty I am not the same person I was at the beginning of 2014. 

2014 was a year of difficulty, growth, stretch marks, loss, joy, blessing, learning to live with food sensitivities, experiencing many new things, meeting amazing new people, stepping out of my comfort zone, learning to trust Jesus to be the Perfect Gentleman and leading me in the Dance Of Life, giving me a longing for heaven beyond what I could imagine....
....someday....someday....I get to go Home...but not yet...........not yet. 
I still have work to do.

Today, I will look into the past only to find healing, to find meaning for the future. I do not look into the past to mourn what might have been. I do not deny the past either. Everything that happens to me, to all of us, happens for a reason. Every moment, every breath, counts. I have faced the stark reality that God has preordained every breath and every moment. I have stared physical death in the face. I have come to realize I am living on borrowed time. God's time. He has given me the gift of opportunity to live life for Him, with Him. He doesn't need me to fulfill what He came to do, but He wants me...
I don't want to miss out on a single adventure He invites me to. Today I pray for and long for the courage I will need to trust Him completely as He leads me on the rest of my journey of life. To look at the future with excitement, not apprehension. To let go of fear. 
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

As I look back to 2014 I see that I could write a book about it, not just a blog. I will pick out the highlights, the moments of rest, the learning experiences. 

Early 2014 found me going to several mini Irish concerts with friends. A breath of fresh air in the bleakness of winter. :) A few of the earthly loves I allow unashamedly into my life are coffee, dark chocolate, and good Irish music...pretty much in that order. 

me, Jen, and our Irish men :)

During this time I was also preparing myself for my session at the single women's seminar I was doing with a few dear friends. To pass on to others what God had been teaching me. To give hope for healing. As I spoke on that cold wintry day in February to a roomful of close to a 100 dear souls I sensed a special anointing and freedom on my lips that I had never felt before. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that God was speaking through me and that I was not to fear my reputation. Realizing my need for utter dependence on Jesus. He alone was my strength that day. It was such an honor to give a special day full of hope, healing, encouragement, fellowship, chocolate, and flowers to a lovely bunch of sweet souls. Once again learning that giving of myself brings further healing to my heart, my soul.

 a small snippet of the many special touches by Esther Stutzman

                                    
In April I got to move into my new office at work, complete with a special new desk on an electrical lift. When I am tired of sitting I can raise it and stand for a while! I have loved transitioning into my position of full time accounting/payroll. Yes, it is a weighty position, but I find it less stressful overall, and have been so blessed by it. I am still learning to be more efficient in keeping finances separate and straight for 4 companies. I enjoy the challenges of it. April also marked my 13th year with the company. I continue to thank God for His faithfulness in giving me great people to work for as well as amazing co-workers, or should I say adopted family? 

2014 was also a year of loss of loved ones for my family. My dad's brother Mony passed away. My mom's brother-in law Les, and her 2 brothers Andy and Paul. I lost 4 uncles in the space of a few short months. I regret that I did not know 3 of them very well at all. I knew Les much better and always saw him as a gentle soul. He had a quiet strength about him that I loved. He had a deep faith in God. He teased me in a way that made me feel special. It was also stark reality that my parents are getting older and someday I will have to release them to eternity as well.

At the end of July Mom and Dad & John Mark and Martha hosted the weekend Coblentz (mom's family) at their place. When the Coblentzes get together there is lots of food, coffee, laughter, coffee, reminiscing, coffee. 

the remaining originals

As August rolled around there were many things on my mind and heart. As the time for the Captivating retreat came closer I sensed a longing to serve as a volunteer on work crew, and began half-heartedly praying about it. It was also during this time I began feeling the nudging to make some moves to bring a speaker in to do what I thought was going to be a women's conference. I sent two emails in one day, not trusting God for a yes from one... Lesson learned. I contacted Shannon Ethridge and Dannah Gresh's office. Long story short, instead of a women's conference in the fall I ended up with a teen girls and mothers event in November! Way beyond what I asked for but exactly what God had in mind. In the middle of all of this I was tempted with a very enticing offer. I had entered a drawing for a free Celtic Thunder cruise. One day I got a letter in the mail from Celtic Thunder. Curious, I opened it to discover I had won, not quite free, but almost! I began scheming and dreaming of ways to ensure Jen and I could go. It was not to be. God said no. He said He had something better for me. I have learned in the past few months He had several "something betters" for me! You, see the cruise would have been just a week before the Get Lost event with Dannah. As I gave up on the cruise I was filled with an incredible peace, as I knew I had made the right decision at the Holy Spirit's prompting.

At the end of August I flew out to Denver, CO to meet up with my sister Sharon, who had driven on her own from Washington. The plan was to drive home the rest of the way with her after spending a few days in the Colorado Springs area. God had other plans. He alone orders our steps, the very breath we take. 

After spending the day at Pikes Peak and The Garden of the Gods, eating at Texas T-bone in The Springs, we were headed about an hour southwest to my cousin James and Carolyn's for the night. It was just getting dark, around 8:45, and we were driving along unhurriedly. I was in the passenger's seat, very relaxed, unconcerned. Suddenly I felt a crash. I was confused. What was going on? We flew through the air. We rolled. We bumped. The side airbags had deployed so I couldn't see anything. I didn't even know we were rolling. I couldn't figure out why my face was so close to the dash, then the center console, then what seemed like the floor. I was sure we were going to die. My life flashed before my eyes. I wondered if I had done enough for God's Kingdom? I remember thinking, "if I haven't, it's too late now." In that moment I gave my soul up to die. It was a resignation. I could see my sister scrunched down over the steering wheel. I heard her make whimpering sounds. In that moment and in my mind, I felt fear for her and silently begged God not to let her die. Something changed, we were no longer rolling, but rather spinning. I was suspended above her. I felt like I was in a tunnel. Sharon started asking me if I was alright. I couldn't answer, but I felt relief because I knew she was alive. I was in shock. My body felt nothing. No pain. I saw blood on what I thought was the floor, but later learned was the roof. I freaked out, thinking it was Sharon's blood. It was mine, but I didn't feel it. People on the scene got us out in a matter of 5 minutes. James and Carolyn were there in about 45 minutes. In all my confusion my first thought was contacting them. They were agents of God during the next few days. Taking us into their home and caring for us. Blessing us in ways they will never know. I only hope that someday I can do the same for someone. We ended up flying home. The following weeks were hard. I knew people were expecting me to be praising God I was alive, but I didn't feel it. In some ways I wished I had died. I couldn't explain it to people. During that time I myself didn't understand that I had given my soul and spirit up to die. 

A few days before the crash I had gotten accepted as a volunteer to the Captivating Retreat, found a reasonable airline ticket and purchased it, and was making plans to go in October. I had told them I was in good physical condition and that I could easily lift 50 pounds. After the accident, I had many bruised ligaments in my back and neck, and started treatment to heal those. (Another thing that I was never going to do!) My chiropractor told me I should email the retreat and tell them what had happened. I didn't want to because I was so sure they would say they couldn't take me with a bad back. They told me that they prayed about it and were not sensing that I should give it up. I decided to go. I also knew that if I hadn't already purchased those tickets before I would have given up on it. God's hand was on me and in everything. 

Plans and details were getting ironed out for the November event with Dannah. My heart wasn't in it anymore. I was struggling just to try to live. Satan tried to get me to give it up. During this time I still thought I was doing a women's conference in January. I felt overwhelmed. Every day God gave me the strength I needed to get through the day, to do what I needed to do. Every day Satan told me I wasn't doing enough. That I couldn't do it. That I needed to just give it up. That I was a failure. That God had allowed the accident to stop me from doing these things. Some days I believed him. I was in physical pain. The battle made me look forward to the Captivating Retreat even more. Deep down in my heart I knew God was going to bring healing to me there. That I was in a battle and that He was going to be glorified in it. 

October 8 FINALLY came! It was with fear and anticipation that I arrived at Denver and met up with a few other volunteers to drive the two hours up to the mountains in Fraser. I really didn't know what to expect. Terry and Ginger made me feel so welcome and some of the fear eased. We shopped a bit and then headed up the mountains. Through this experience I met some of the sweetest Jesus girls ever. Women whose hearts longed for more of Jesus. Women who lovingly encouraged me to say no to doing things that my back couldn't handle. It was a weekend of learning to lay down my pride. Of learning that I didn't have to prove that I couldn't handle just as much as anyone else. 

my sweet work crew

There were duties to perform, but I also got to experience all of the sessions as well. One of the highlights was when God came to me in such a real way at the end of the first session on Friday. It was so unexpected. It was during a clip of Gladiator that God spoke to me so clearly. He said, "I will see you again, but not yet." It was so real it shook me to the very core of my being. It overwhelmed me to tears. I asked Him why not yet. He told me I still have work to do. I fought it. It was through that time He also showed me that I needed to learn to live again. To take my soul back, so to speak. To be fully present, fully engaged with what He asked me to do. He gave me some specifics, but they are intimate details in my relationship with Jesus. It was also a promise unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I knew I was saved, but actually having the promise that I will see Jesus again someday, but not yet has done something for my soul I simply cannot put into words. I hear songs about heaven and feel the tears come. I long for heaven like never before. I have been told I am reacting like "old people" when they are nearing the end of their life. I know I am, but it's okay. Through this I have a daily reminder that I have a short time to do all that God has called me to do while I'm waiting for heaven. The last morning I took a walk in the moonlight and God gave me the gift of a heart shaped tree stump. It was like a seal on the weekend of healing for my soul I had experienced. A gift of love...

 

You take this heart and breathe it back to life...

♥scenery that romances my very soul ♥

I came back home that Monday, October 13 with a new passion for life. A new passion to serve God out of love for Him. For all He had done for me. For saving my soul. I was experiencing gratitude as I had never experienced before. I was also down to 4 short weeks to finalize all details for The Get Lost event with Dannah. God had given me an amazing support team of friends. Dora, Jen, Ileen, and Martha, I could not have done it without you. Also John Mast from the Bargain Hunter and his daughter Maryssa for the advertising. Tickets started selling. I had a new peace knowing that God had brought me this far in it and He was going to take care of all the details. Satan was still trying to get me down tho. I did come to the point tho where I realized I had to postpone the January event and put my whole heart and all my concentration into this event. In my mind I thought we might sell 300-450 tickets if we were lucky (we had a limit of 600) I didn't trust God enough to think He would bring a sellout crowd. Oh I bet He enjoyed that one! About 10 days out I upped the number in my mind to about 500 and started looking for more prayer volunteers! Monday morning (6 days before), I realized we were going to have a sellout and started searching more seriously. We were sold out by Thursday morning, and could have sold lots more. God provided all the volunteers I needed. In fact He brought some women that I didn't know at all, but anticipate having long and deep friendships with. The long awaited day finally arrived. Satan tried to take me out early in the day, but by afternoon I was okay and relying and trusting in God again. There was such a feeling of peace and anointing on that place that day. Jesus was there. It was an incredible experience. Sealed by God. I loved it. I felt so alive. I knew I was exactly where God wanted me that day. I wanted to hop on that bus with the team when they left. I will be forever grateful for Grace Mennonite's generosity for letting me use their venue for the event and Wes Miller for his support and help throughout the event. I loved getting to spend time with Dannah's team. I was inspired by the passion they have to do what God has called them to do. To get a glimpse behind the scenes and see how un-glamorous life spent as a touring ministry can be. I go to events and conferences and only see what goes on on the stage. I have a new admiration and respect for all people in touring ministry. That being said, I hope this event was only the first of many I get to be a part of.

Dannah and I...love this amazing woman of God

The rest of 2014 was very uneventful for the most part. Without anything major going on in my life, and hardly any physical pain I found myself getting lazy in keeping up my relationship with Jesus. I am so thankful that Jesus never moves, that He's always there waiting for me whenever I move away from Him. I even started doubting that it was really Him that was speaking to me in Colorado. Yesterday I suddenly felt such a hunger to dig back into His Word and started reading "randomly." He took me to John 17:22 So also you have sorrow now, BUT I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. These words were meant for his disciples all those years ago, but they were also meant for me just when I needed them. God is always right on time even when it doesn't feel like it.

He is showing me that the big thing I need to work on in the new year is discipline. Discipline in all areas of my life, but specifically:

• my time spent with God
• my time spent with people
• my time spent on Kingdom things
• my time spent in leisure
• my finances
• my work
• sleep
• exercise

In 2015, I want to be completely open to wherever God leads me. To not be so set in my own plans that if He changes them I will go, knowing full well that where He calls me He will provide and care for me. It is with a changed heart and perspective on life that I say "Thank you God for the trials and the joys of 2014!" I am excited to see what 2015 holds for me. 

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:14