I have learned a whole new level of trust. I have learned the true meaning of an emotional roller coaster! Of one minute being just on the verge of losing or letting go of hope and the next minute being as high as a kite. The slightest bit of good news, the smallest bit of improvement lifting me up again. My memory seemingly being wiped clean of the un-important and minor details in life. The eternal and relational taking front row seats as they should have been all along... You see, I am not condoning living life based on emotion, but when someone close to you is in a coma and fighting for her life, you cannot, and should not shut down your emotions. You love deeply, therefore you feel deeply. Really, the journey is unexplainable, as is the comforting omnipotent presence of a loving Father who says, "I've got it all under control, just let go and trust Me!" And so, in the midst of trauma I have also been able to experience some of the most peacefull and hopeful moments and days of my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
In the past few weeks, there have been several times I have woken up with a start, just like Someone was nudging me, and instantly knowing that I had to pray for Mary! I know that God is using this experience to change me, and the way I look at life in general, the way I am beginning to truly understand the power of prayer. Fully realizing that God is completely able to heal someone without us mere human beings, and yet He loves to hear from us, He wants to involve us in the healing process, in the miracles He loves to perform...it's like a special love letter from God, telling us that our petitions really do matter. What I do matters... how I love matters... how I trust matters...how I respond matters... what I do in the midst of trauma matters.... to everything there is a purpose.
Taken from Ecclesiastes 3:
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
My prayer is that many lives will be touched through the miracle of life and the journey to healing that is ahead for Mary Elizabeth Nelson........all to the Glory of God!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
resting...............
Empty. Going to work each day.....Empty. Coming home in the evening, faced with the mundane; what will I make for dinner? I should do my laundry. I need to clean...... Empty. Trying to talk to God, I get distracted...... Empty.
Emptiness can soon eat you up and completely rob you of your joy. Feeling empty you begin feeling like your life is senseless. How did I get there again? Why do I allow myself to fall into that emptiness AGAIN. More honestly, my heart cries out, "God, why did You allow me to go down that road again?" But..........it's not God's fault. I know that. Keeping a relationship healthy is a two way street. It's not a relationship if one person does all the relating. I think that would be a mentorship, or maybe a counselling session.........but wait, even that's not true, because although a counselor asks many questions they also expect an answer in response. If I'm not truly communicating with my Saviour, I'm not allowing Him to be my Counselor, or my Friend. It takes two people to be in a relationship. So where was God? He didn't move. Where was I? Stuck in a rut of the mundane. Things going ok so no real crisis to cry out to God for. As I write this I want to hang my head in shame. You see if there was no crisis, that's when I should just be rejoicing in my Jesus. That's when I should be looking around and reaching out a hand to others around me. So much pain and I am indifferent.
As I watched my dear, sweet great-aunt Clara, who is 85 years old have to go through burying her second husband I realized how blessed this woman had been. Though the two men that she had been married to were both very different in many ways, two striking similarities keep coming back to me; They both had a heart for people around them, and more importantly they both loved the Lord with all their hearts. What is the legacy I will leave behind?
This morning as I drove to church I had the first real sweet communion I've had with my Jesus in too long.....for too long I have been talking to Him so half heartedly. As I cried out to Him and told Him how sorry I was for having gotten so indifferent to Him I saw Him stretch out His arms to me and I ran into His arms and He hugged me close to His bosom. I realized He was crying but as I looked at His face I saw that they were not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. You see, my Jesus hurts when I grow indifferent to Him. He longs for that close sweet communion with me. He loves to hear my praise, whether it be completely off key or perfect harmony. He loves to hear me just praise Him with words. He loves when I am thankful. He loves to give me the desires of my heart when they are also the desires of His heart. Although my Jesus knows exactly what I need He still likes to hear me ask for it. He wants to hear my requests. I matter. As I reflected on this it was my turn for tears. I had withheld so much from my Lord lately, and yet He was waiting with open arms and total forgiveness.
Completeness. The sense of knowing that confession had been made to my Jesus...........Completeness. Knowing that I am STILL covered completely by His shed blood......Completeness. Trusting in God to direct me through the day even though I was leading a Sunday school class where I only knew half the girls.......Completeness. And you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. (Colossians 2:10) I am complete in Christ!
Amazingly, altough I felt like I had just had the most awesome "church" experience in my car on my 20 minute drive to church, God wasn't finished with me yet. He would show me how much He loves me by sending me conformation that what I experienced earlier was really real. He would have the pastor preach about exactly what I had been so convicted about and had confessed to God in my car not even an hour earlier! The pastor preached about one sign of "coolness" towards God being indifference and prayerlessness. He had others too but those were the two that hit me. I had been turning "cool" toward my Beloved Jesus. the very one who took the weight of my sins on Himself because He loved me so much. I waited for the guilt and the shame to wash over me but it never happened. Instead, I kept seeing myself running into the arms of my Beloved Jesus, and the tears of joy running down His face. It was with a heart of thankfullness that I left the sanctuary.....My Jesus loves me, imperfections and all! I will rest in this truth.....Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1
Emptiness can soon eat you up and completely rob you of your joy. Feeling empty you begin feeling like your life is senseless. How did I get there again? Why do I allow myself to fall into that emptiness AGAIN. More honestly, my heart cries out, "God, why did You allow me to go down that road again?" But..........it's not God's fault. I know that. Keeping a relationship healthy is a two way street. It's not a relationship if one person does all the relating. I think that would be a mentorship, or maybe a counselling session.........but wait, even that's not true, because although a counselor asks many questions they also expect an answer in response. If I'm not truly communicating with my Saviour, I'm not allowing Him to be my Counselor, or my Friend. It takes two people to be in a relationship. So where was God? He didn't move. Where was I? Stuck in a rut of the mundane. Things going ok so no real crisis to cry out to God for. As I write this I want to hang my head in shame. You see if there was no crisis, that's when I should just be rejoicing in my Jesus. That's when I should be looking around and reaching out a hand to others around me. So much pain and I am indifferent.
As I watched my dear, sweet great-aunt Clara, who is 85 years old have to go through burying her second husband I realized how blessed this woman had been. Though the two men that she had been married to were both very different in many ways, two striking similarities keep coming back to me; They both had a heart for people around them, and more importantly they both loved the Lord with all their hearts. What is the legacy I will leave behind?
This morning as I drove to church I had the first real sweet communion I've had with my Jesus in too long.....for too long I have been talking to Him so half heartedly. As I cried out to Him and told Him how sorry I was for having gotten so indifferent to Him I saw Him stretch out His arms to me and I ran into His arms and He hugged me close to His bosom. I realized He was crying but as I looked at His face I saw that they were not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. You see, my Jesus hurts when I grow indifferent to Him. He longs for that close sweet communion with me. He loves to hear my praise, whether it be completely off key or perfect harmony. He loves to hear me just praise Him with words. He loves when I am thankful. He loves to give me the desires of my heart when they are also the desires of His heart. Although my Jesus knows exactly what I need He still likes to hear me ask for it. He wants to hear my requests. I matter. As I reflected on this it was my turn for tears. I had withheld so much from my Lord lately, and yet He was waiting with open arms and total forgiveness.
Completeness. The sense of knowing that confession had been made to my Jesus...........Completeness. Knowing that I am STILL covered completely by His shed blood......Completeness. Trusting in God to direct me through the day even though I was leading a Sunday school class where I only knew half the girls.......Completeness. And you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. (Colossians 2:10) I am complete in Christ!
Amazingly, altough I felt like I had just had the most awesome "church" experience in my car on my 20 minute drive to church, God wasn't finished with me yet. He would show me how much He loves me by sending me conformation that what I experienced earlier was really real. He would have the pastor preach about exactly what I had been so convicted about and had confessed to God in my car not even an hour earlier! The pastor preached about one sign of "coolness" towards God being indifference and prayerlessness. He had others too but those were the two that hit me. I had been turning "cool" toward my Beloved Jesus. the very one who took the weight of my sins on Himself because He loved me so much. I waited for the guilt and the shame to wash over me but it never happened. Instead, I kept seeing myself running into the arms of my Beloved Jesus, and the tears of joy running down His face. It was with a heart of thankfullness that I left the sanctuary.....My Jesus loves me, imperfections and all! I will rest in this truth.....Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1
Monday, August 29, 2011
what beauty do I possess?
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:3-6
What is the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit? As I read theses words I ask myself this question, and I feel this deep burning desire to really dive in and find out...why...because this incorruptible beauty is precious to God. And not only precious, but very precious!
As I read this I ask myself, "why do we as women spend so much time adorning our outside?" It seems like so many times we get it all mixed up. We should be so much more concerned about keeping our hearts and our minds clean, pure, and uncluttered, but so many times we spend so much time worrying about how we look that we completely forget that God is most concerned about the beauty we possess on the inside. No, I am not saying we shouldn't care or that it's wrong to want look good. Wanting to be feminine and beautiful is a God given thing, I'm merely saying we need a balance.
When I think about a gentle and quiet spirit, my mind conjures up an image of a powerful horse aching for a good run, but he is so in tune with his master that he waits patiently for the go-ahead from his master before he gives it his all in a flat out run down a sandy shore with powerful waves crashing at his feet. The horse puts all his trust in his master that he will not take him anywhere hazardous, and glories in the freedom of a full out run along the shore at his master's capable hands. I like to see myself as such in my Saviour's arms...held back from going my own way, but knowing full well that my Master won't let any harm come my way beyond His control if I just let go and let Him be the Lord and Master of my life. Only then can I run with joyful abandonment and utter trust in my Jesus. When I am completely surrendered to Jesus a gentle and quiet spirit shines through, because the striving is all gone, and my Jesus can finally shine through for people to see. That, my dear friends, is a beauty to long for and to hunger after. Without the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, my outward beauty is of no value, for outward beauty only lasts for a season, while a soulful beauty lasts for eternity...
However, I do not believe that when he talks about a quiet spirit that he is saying that a woman should not talk. God is not looking for doormats, but women completely surrendered to His will! Women willing to walk in faith, with only one goal in mind; to reflect Jesus to those around them. It seems to me he is describing a woman not given to gossip and always causing strife but a woman who brings a calmness and a sense of comfort with her very presence. A quietness that draws people to her very Creator. The part of a woman that reflects a part of God's heart. The part of His heart that nurtures and cares for people.
What is the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit? As I read theses words I ask myself this question, and I feel this deep burning desire to really dive in and find out...why...because this incorruptible beauty is precious to God. And not only precious, but very precious!
As I read this I ask myself, "why do we as women spend so much time adorning our outside?" It seems like so many times we get it all mixed up. We should be so much more concerned about keeping our hearts and our minds clean, pure, and uncluttered, but so many times we spend so much time worrying about how we look that we completely forget that God is most concerned about the beauty we possess on the inside. No, I am not saying we shouldn't care or that it's wrong to want look good. Wanting to be feminine and beautiful is a God given thing, I'm merely saying we need a balance.
When I think about a gentle and quiet spirit, my mind conjures up an image of a powerful horse aching for a good run, but he is so in tune with his master that he waits patiently for the go-ahead from his master before he gives it his all in a flat out run down a sandy shore with powerful waves crashing at his feet. The horse puts all his trust in his master that he will not take him anywhere hazardous, and glories in the freedom of a full out run along the shore at his master's capable hands. I like to see myself as such in my Saviour's arms...held back from going my own way, but knowing full well that my Master won't let any harm come my way beyond His control if I just let go and let Him be the Lord and Master of my life. Only then can I run with joyful abandonment and utter trust in my Jesus. When I am completely surrendered to Jesus a gentle and quiet spirit shines through, because the striving is all gone, and my Jesus can finally shine through for people to see. That, my dear friends, is a beauty to long for and to hunger after. Without the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, my outward beauty is of no value, for outward beauty only lasts for a season, while a soulful beauty lasts for eternity...
However, I do not believe that when he talks about a quiet spirit that he is saying that a woman should not talk. God is not looking for doormats, but women completely surrendered to His will! Women willing to walk in faith, with only one goal in mind; to reflect Jesus to those around them. It seems to me he is describing a woman not given to gossip and always causing strife but a woman who brings a calmness and a sense of comfort with her very presence. A quietness that draws people to her very Creator. The part of a woman that reflects a part of God's heart. The part of His heart that nurtures and cares for people.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
musings.......
How much different would my daily walk with Jesus be if I had to fight for the right to serve Him? Or maybe not even fight for the right, but what about living amongst people who openly reject Him? What would it be like if I didn't live in the midst of a so called Christian community? If we really are a Christian community why aren't we pulling together to help more people learn to love Jesus?
this picture was taken when we spent the day together at the Royal Gorge in April
Spending part of a week with my dear friends from Australia; the Pearses, was a very real eye opening experience for me. Why do I complain about driving 20 minutes to church when I could be in their shoes and have to drive 2 hours like they do? I have been so blessed by the Pearses and the love of Jesus that radiates from them! God bless you Tony, ElizaBeth, Ed, Lachlan, Hamish, Bryce, and Anne!
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